More whining, feel free to ignore.

Everything is turning to crap. Not your standard type of crap, but the wet, runny kind of crap-the kind that really makes you feel, well, crap!!!

I am so stressed out at work, that I really want to leave. The Head of the Sciences dept is being a total asshole. He has terrible, awful problems at home, but he is allowing that to affect his work, and by extension, me. As the lab tech in chemistry, in a pretty small school, I'm pretty much a gopher as well as a tech. I'm expected to do work that most school techs wouldn't have time to do, even if they agreed to (which they wouldn't, techs are a funny breed ;) ) Because I have so much time on my hands (which of course I don't, cos it's filled with the other stuff!) HoS thinks it's ok to give short notice on practicals he wants. No. Not ok. EVER. Notice periods are set for a reason-to allow the tech to be able to properly manage her time so she can work safely, and because she can work safely, the risk to students is reduced (if I rush the preparation and make a mistake, it can be very dangerous for those using it). I am struggling to get anyone to support me in either telling him he needs to buck up, or in going above his head. Oh they all agree he needs to either sort himself out, or go home and let someone else do it, but publicly, no one wants to stand by me.

To add to this, I have my PCOS tests coming up. I haven't had my letter for my scan appointment, but as it had been over 3 weeks I phoned the hospital myself-it's in 2 weeks time. I can also have my blood tests done now. I am terrified. I should have phoned yesterday to get an appointment for the bloods, but I couldn't do it, I'm not sure I want to know anymore.

Then there's Chris's sisters baby. He announced this morning that they are coming round this weekend. Yup, this is the baby I don't want to see, it will be in my house (I say 'it' I know it's a girl, but that is literally all I do know, Chris hasn't offered any other info at all). I went mad! He knows I'm not coping with it (oddly, friends I feel close to I'm ok with having babies, I'm not all gushy-happy, but I'm ok), but he wants her husband to help him with his landrover or something (not sure, didn't listen to his excuses!) and she can't possibly stay home alone with the baby (like every other day when he's at work). I don't care, if that makes me look bad, tough, but I do not care if she wants to see her husband at the weekend, I don't care that Chris needs help, or that her husband might want some bits from the car they are breaking, I don't want them here, and I shouldn't have to be pushed out of my home. That's what will happen, I'll go out somewhere so she can be in my house. I'll come back and it'll stink of puke and nappies.

I need to escape from work, from home, and from my own failure of a body. I've not felt this bad for while.

I want out.


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